Sneezegasm!

If I am correctly interpreting the responses from random folks who have had the dubious opportunity to be in the near neighborhood of me sneezing, my sneezes are… not what most folks expect from a 76 year old woman… or possibly even a truck driver. My poor husband, who, you’d think would be used to it after 14 years of marriage is still seriously startled by the event… and he’s damn near totally deaf.

I cannot help it.

Well, maybe I could…. but I’m not inclined to try because it is an awesome sensation. It’s as if every cell in my body has just seen their favorite team score the winning touchdown… there is no holding back. Well, I guess there kinda could be… but why would I when I’m in my own home… or out for a walk… or in my car? If I were on some mode of public transportation, well, sure, I’d try to ‘contain’ it — handkerchief (I’m never without one) or tissue, or, heaven forbid, the crook of my arm — but I’d never try to keep it inside as I’ve seen some other people do. I tired that once, as a kid, because I’d horrified some teacher — “Keep it to yourself!!!!” — and I felt as if I was going to explode. I literally couldn’t see straight.

Sorry if you’re offended, but I’m not sacrificing the cellular integrity of my body for the sake of politesse.

Also…it just feels really, really good. It’s such a release! And it affects my whole body. A person can only have so many orgasms but sneezes… the opportunities are without bounds.