Here’s the thing (and I am the former recipient of 18 years of sexual abuse of various sorts + a few rapes in later life, one at gun-point) — and I — believe me! — do not mean this as an ‘excuse’ for the slime-buckets that do this stuff.
I had a discussion a few years ago with a guy I went to college with about a friend of his, a guy who’d raped me when I was in college. “That was just college,” he said, “he’s really a nice guy.” Not to me, he isn’t… and he probably never will be because he’ll probably claim it never happened and he’ll never apologize… and, yeah, he may actually now be a nice guy… to someone else… I believe that is possible… and he’s certainly better than the guy who raped me at knifepoint because that was really frightening… but he’ll never be a “nice guy” in my mind.
Many (hell, maybe most) of these men were raised in a society where they heard — possibly from their own mothers — girls being told that it was really OK when little Johnny yanked her pigtails… it was just his way of showing he really liked her but he was too shy to say so.
Yeah, it’s ludicrous… but it used to happen all the damn time.
These men were raised by fathers whom they most likely watched denigrate their mothers and smack them on the bottom in passing as if it was all great fun. They were raised hearing the phrase “she was askin’ for it” every time something bad happened to a girl who dressed in a way that got attention. They were raised being taken by their dads to garages where calendars of naked women hung on the walls. Of course they feel entitled to do what they are doing… this was the society in which they grew up… where they learned that this is what real men do.
Women, of course, had been told to shut up and take it… sometimes, “or else.” The amazing thing is that more men aren’t behaving like total scum bags… their parents must have been the outliers, the ones who actually taught their children about respect and equality and things like that. But as far as I know, that’s still not the norm… maybe now… maybe now mothers and fathers will realize a) how they have to treat each other, and b) what they have to teach their children about how to be in the world, and c) that movies and video games and TV shows are FAKE, not real, meant only to excite… and not usually in an ideal way.
Frankly, children seem to need to be taught that all human beings of all varieties are to be respected because, apparently, that isn’t built in to the genome. And it would seem that there are a whole bunch of adults that are going to need to learn that same lesson first in order for that to happen. So let’s get the “good guy” abusers out in front of the class and tell everybody why what they did was wrong. Gotta start somewhere.